The Body Language of Prayer by Pamela Donnan

What does prayer look like in light of the revelation of Grace?

Dear Pamela,

'I suck at spending time in prayer with God. I don't like to do it. Well, that's not necessarily true. I like it sometimes, but I'm very undisciplined when it comes to a regular habit of prayer.

I've tried to analyze this.......I'm just lazy; my attention span is too short; I must not have any real faith; I don't like intimacy with God because of father issues, etc. But, analyzing it to death doesn't help either.

I don't think I'm being performance-based with prayer, yet I do feel like a failure and that God is disappointed when I don't pray every day. The crazy thing is, when I do spend time in prayer, I usually enjoy it and feel good, so I don't know why it's so hard practice it.

I do not have this problem with studying the Word. That seems to come so much easier to me, probably because I naturally love to read and learn, but who knows?

Where does Grace fit into all this? How do I stop seeing prayer as a chore? Do you have any insight or suggestions? I'm so tired of going round and round with this. I really want some freedom in this area, but feel at a complete loss to attain it.'

Karen


What does prayer look like in light of the revelation of Grace?

I found her question interesting..... it has been one that I have contemplated many times. I once asked a respected Grace teacher the same question early on in the journey of growing in Grace. His answer was somewhat vague but it gave me permission to challenge what I had been told.

When we evaluate God according to our world, He is diminished. We need to evaluate our world according to God. It is only by a revelation of Grace and seeing Jesus as He really is that we begin to understand our world as it really is.

I believe however, that there are a lot of things we can see in this world that reflect our God and speak to us about our relationship to Him, marriage being one of them. (I understand that not every marriage is healthy, and maybe yours is not, but imagine with me for a minute what marriage should be like.....)

Romans 1:20 (ASV) 20 For the invisible things of Him since the creation of the world are clearly seen, being perceived through the things that are made, even His everlasting power and divinity; that they may be without excuse'  

If marriage is to reflect Christ's love for the church, Eph 5:23-26, than I should be able to learn a lot about my love relationship and interaction with Christ by examining the love relationship I have (or should have) with my husband.

My husband does not talk a lot, but he talks more than me within the context of our personal relationship (he's a preacher, what can I say?) And, while I do not consider myself to be a quiet person, I speak less than him and I enjoy listening to him.

I feel fully engaged in the conversation even when I don't respond verbally.

Through marriage, I have been made one with my husband.

Mark 10:8 (ASV) 8 and the two shall become one flesh: so that they are no more two, but one flesh. 

Through salvation, I became the Bride of Christ Who indwells me and I am one with Him.

John 17:11 (ASV) 11 that they may be one, even as we are. (A Jew is considered married as soon as she agrees to the proposal, even before the marriage ceremony is performed or the marriage consummated. So we do not have to wait for the ceremony. Christ has made us one with Him now.)

Only a small percentage of communication is verbal. One study at UCLA indicated that up to 93 percent of communication effectiveness is determined by nonverbal cues. Another study indicated that the impact of a performance was determined by the following; Only 7% by the words we use, 38% by our voice quality (tone, inflection, articulation) and 55% by our nonverbal forms of communication (body language).

What does this say about us?  What does this say about many Christians? If words count as little as 7% of our conversation, what does our body language say to Him?

Below I have listed some observations I have made in my relationship with my husband that I believe should be reflected in my relationship with Jesus relating to prayer.

1. I don't force myself to speak to my husband. I like to be in his presence, hold his hand, kiss him and talk occasionally. He knows I am not withholding anything from him. He understands my personality. We often communicate without words.

I can easily convince him of my love for him in non-verbal ways. If non- verbal communication is weighted at 55 percent, than my actions MUST back up my words (7%) or I would quickly contradict myself!

Sometimes conversation seems disruptive and intrusive. 

 If he talked at me every time we were together, I would be irritated.  I do not enjoy being around someone that is constantly talking. 

Jesus knows my heart (intimately). Must I always use words? The 55% body language theory should confirm the few (7%) words used. (Believe me, my husband knows when I don't wish to be in his presence even without verbal confirmation! )


I like to be in the presence of my Savior. I enjoy the beauty of this Good News called Grace and love to contemplate how it has changed my life. My heart often spills over in praise, song and gratitude.

'Let your living spill over into thanksgiving' Col 2:7 Msg

It is poured out upon others in conversation and attitude. It blesses the girl checking me out at the grocery store with a kind word or the barrista behind the coffee bar is blessed with a bigger tip. When I sense His presence and feel His Goodness, I feel a sense of overwhelming gratitude. I take a longer minute to care about those serving me. It appears in how I treat a stranger.... or how I treat my husband when no one is looking.

God is within me. I need only acknowledge Him there and I am in His presence. I do not have to remind Him that I am there. He is always aware of it. I believe my body language conveys my love for him in ways my words cannot.

2. When I ask my husband for something, I don't keep asking. That would be nagging. I simply trust that he will provide. Wouldn't he find it irritating if I asked over and over and over again for the same thing? He would probably suggest I see a doctor! If I wouldn't nag my husband why would I nag Jesus?

Here is where many of you will disagree -

Matthew 7:7 (AMP) 7 Keep on asking and it will be given you; keep on seeking and you will find; keep on knocking [reverently] and [the door] will be opened to you.

However, this asking, seeking, knocking is in reference to Kingdom thinking and a greater revelation of Jesus which will result in the manifestation of provision!

3. I do not ask my husband for things that already belong to us. Watchman Nee says it beautifully, 'Oh the folly of trying to enter a room we're already in.' Since Jesus already secured every spiritual blessing for me at the Cross, why would I ask for something that already belonged to me? In my impatience, I may remind him from time to time that I have yet to see it, but otherwise, I would show Him my love and appreciation for what he is doing to provide for me. My words and actions should say, 'thank you for doing that (at the Cross) so that I  could have this (provision) here and now.......'

Ephesians 1:3 (ASV) 3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who hath blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly places in Christ'.

There is nothing less than complete and abundant provision of every good thing in the message of Grace.

4. I do not create an outline or rehearse for a speech before and when approaching him. Sometimes I come with an agenda, however, a majority of the time, I do not. So many people feel they must sound eloquent or articulate things perfectly. Do you hesitate that way in discussion with your husband/wife?

5. I do not speak from a list. I would not present a list of requests or praises to my husband. We should count our blessings. We should remind ourselves to pray for others. That is not to say we shouldn't have prayer request lists.  

Philippians 4:6 (ASV) 6 let your requests be made known unto God.

Here we are told to make them known, however would you ever approach someone you care about with a list of wants? Not unless it was Santa Claus. The more mature we become in Grace, the less self centered we are and the list becomes shorter as we walk in the provision (the revelation of the finished work of Jesus Christ, where everything has been provided). This isn't to say we don't have needs.  But rather than present them in list format, make them known as they appear in a conversational approach. 

Philippians 4:6 (ASV) In nothing be anxious; but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving. 

Rather than constantly seeking the same thing, move into an attitude of appreciation and honor (thanksgiving) for Who He is to us and what He is doing on our behalf and those we bring before Him. Ask once, then rest in His provision and thank Him for it. He is not deaf. He is not ignoring you. 

If my husband came with a list, I would begin avoiding him!

Sometimes there are several things that need attention but rather than nag, I would rather spend the rest of my life honoring him, blessing him, and caring for him. In doing that, I believe he would be motivated to get them done as he reciprocates in love. 

Remember, relationship is an ongoing dialog, NEVER a monologue.

I am convinced that prayer is much more relational than what was modeled for me. It has been turned into a 'work', rather than a natural, necessary and even enjoyable part of the relationship. I would HATE it if my husband spoke to me the way some of us have been taught to speak to the Father!

I live with a constant awareness of being married to my husband. I do not have to be reminded of it. I am secure in that relationship and do not fear punishment or abandonment when I do not speak to him verbally. I try to have a gracious attitude for all that he does and all that he is, thanking and appreciating him, telling him of my love for him, enjoying our relationship while modeling that for others.

I now look at my relationship with Jesus, in light of Grace, the same way.

I am frequently thanking Him and telling Him of my love for Him, but mostly I am simply enjoying the relationship and spreading that joy by telling others of His 'saweeet' character and what He did for me on the Cross......

There are times for corporate prayer and time should be set aside specifically for meditation and prayer, but what prayer looks like is not what we have been taught. I do not think our prayer time should be compartmentalized but rather it should be lived in a constant state of awareness of His presence within us and our marriage relationship with Him. It must be treated relationally with ongoing dialog, never monologue.

How does a branch abide in the vine?  Naturally with an ongoing flow of communication.  The life flows between the two without effort.  The Vine knows everything in the heart of the branch, after all, He created it..... Think of this in light of prayer and prayer without ceasing....

1 Thessalonians 5:17 (ASV) 17 pray without ceasing;  

John 15:4 (ASV) 4 Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; so neither can ye, except ye abide in me.

Listen to yourself pray. Is there anyone else you would speak to the way we have been taught to speak with God?

Even the teachings on spiritual warfare I have been taught are nothing more than superstition and magic. They remind me of an Indian rain dance. I think the Indians were more correct in their theology in that they were petitioning God rather than exalting the enemy by giving him any attention.  The battle was won at the Cross......

'He stripped all the spiritual tyrants in the universe of their sham authority at the Cross and marched them naked through the streets. Col 2:15 Msg

He stripped the devil and his cohorts of their power and authority, making a public spectacle of them. They were defeated and humiliated. Why would I jump around shouting at a defeated, humiliated foe? That indeed is in itself a public spectacle and it is no wonder we are often thought of as crazy! (Paul warned us of this.)

I don't see one instance where Jesus did that and if I tried to resolve conflict with my husband that way, he would have me committed..... which by the way, may be why some are calling it the 'institutional' church.

Relax and be who He created you to be. Let life flow between you and your Creator as you enjoy life together, as one, with or without words.

How Important Is Persistence In Praying About A Matter? - Steve McVey

I used to believe that it increased the likelihood of having my prayers answered if I prayed constantly about the thing that concerned me. I thought the longer I stayed on my knees about it the better off the outcome would be. I don't believe that anymore. God doesn't need me to convince Him to act on my behalf. Jesus once told a story that illustrates the heart of the Father toward us:

Now He was telling them a parable to show that at all times they ought to pray and not to lose heart, saying, “In a certain city there was a judge who did not fear God and did not respect man. There was a widow in that city, and she kept coming to him, saying, ‘Give me legal protection from my opponent.’ For a while he was unwilling, but afterward he said to himself, ‘Even though I do not fear God nor respect man, yet because this widow bothers me, I will give her legal protection, otherwise by continually coming she will wear me out.’” And the Lord said, “Hear what the unrighteous judge said; now, will not God bring about justice for His elect who cry to Him day and night, and will He delay long over them? I tell you that He will bring about justice for them quickly (Luke 18:1-8).

Isn’t Jesus telling us all that we need to keep praying and praying and praying without giving up on the Father answering our prayer? I think this view misses the point. Jesus is using an unrighteous man as His example in this story. Jesus stresses twice that this judge “did not fear God nor respect man.” He wasn’t a loving, caring man at all. He was indifferent to the needs of the supplicant and had to be worn down by persistent begging.

The truth Jesus wants us to see is that we are not to think of God that way! In this story Jesus was doing what He did so many other times, and that is to make an argument through contrast. We are missing the point if we think God is like that judge, unconcerned with people’s needs and only responding if we badger Him into it. No, Jesus’ point is, “If even an unrighteous, uncaring judge can be persuaded to act for you, how much more will the perfectly loving and good God respond to our heartfelt cries!” He isn’t telling us that we have to pray tremendous lengths of time to persuade our Father. What He is saying is that anytime and every time you pray, you can have confidence that He hears and will answer. All the time you can pray knowing that He loves you and isn’t holding out on you until you prove your sincerity by time and effort in prayer. God isn’t a Judge who needs to be persuaded. He is a Father is eager to answer you and to show you His love!

We reverse it in our minds sometimes, and believe that God doesn’t care. We think, “If we can just get enough people praying, and can log enough time in prayer, then maybe we can cause God to do something He really isn’t interested in doing. If He’s not now on our side, maybe we can win Him over through sheer effort and persistence.”

But the truth of grace is just the opposite. We don’t have to persuade a reluctant, unconcerned God. It’s the other way around. God is the seeker. He is the primary lover. God is always the initiator, so in reality the way it works is this: When the Lord gets ready to do something, He often moves the hearts of His people to pray. He moves us to pray, and we might be moved to invite others to join us in prayer. Then they can share in the process and become a part of the answer as well. When we become involved in prayer, God allows us to participate in what He’s doing in this world.

Back to the story Jesus told of the unrighteous judge: It’s important to note that in the story he told, Jesus had the supplicant appealing to a judge for help. He wanted us to see that our Father isn’t like the person depicted in this story. The judge was reluctant to answer, but our Father isn’t.

How we view God has everything to do with what expectations (faith) we have when we come to Him in prayer. I’ve already said that Jesus was using contrast to show the difference between our situation when we ask God for something and the situation of the widow in His story. There can be a difference in our expectation and approach when we come to Him because of the difference in the identities of the one the widow was beseeching and the One we are asking for help.

She was talking to a Judge. You aren’t. You are talking to your Father. That difference cannot be overstated. God isn’t a Judge who is sitting in heaven with a judicial mindset toward you that causes you to have to appeal to Him as you would ask a human judge to show you mercy and to grant your petition to the court.

Our God’s relationship to you isn’t judicial. It is relational. He is your Father and He delights in responding to our heartfelt requests. You can approach Him with the full knowledge that He doesn’t have to be persuaded to act in your best interest. His role in your life is based on His loving character. That fact gives you reason to know that you don’t have to beg Him. You don’t have to get enough people to convince Him the way somebody might show up in court with a petition signed by a multitude of people to convince the judge to rule in their behalf. Your Father is already on your side and is eager to bless you in every way. The story of the widow and the judge doesn't teach the lesson many of us have been told. In fact, it teaches just the opposite.